Hi. I haven’t written anything other than my nightly journal entries in a while, so bear with me as I begin navigating this whole Substack thing again.
On the note of re-navigating things that are familiar yet scary to me, I quit my job a couple of weeks ago and have been exploring my love-hate relationship with unemployment once again. I decided I couldn’t be both unemployed and addicted to endlessly scrolling on TikTok, so I finally got myself to delete the app. I’ve been filling my time by attending way too many workout classes a week for my mom’s liking, perfecting my skills at gluten- and sugar-free baking, and annoying my sister by showing up at her apartment whenever I find myself bored and tired of being at home. Safe to say, I’m not booked or busy, and I decided this is the best time for me to dive back into my writing again.
I’m rusty, that I know for sure. Not only has my writing been limited to sloppy journal entries, mostly about how I feel about my body, for the past few months, but I have also been reading a lot less. When I read less, my writing just kind of gets pretty meh. I’m trying to ease my way back into it, yes, I’ll bring back my Tuesday essays, which might turn into Thursday essays (I’m sorry to the afraid-of-change crowd), but I also wanted to start a new little section in which I just discuss the things I’ve consumed in the past week, my Sunday digest.
My purpose for July is to be more intentional. I want to be more intentional with my words, the way I speak to my parents, siblings, and friends, rather than just being reactive. I want to be more intentional not only with what I’m putting into my body, but also in the ways in which I move it. And, most importantly to me now, I want to be intentional with the media I consume, because the things we consume become a part of us and have the power to change us.
For the record, I don’t think TikTok is bad at all. I love TikTok, and I love spending time on it. I have read some of my favorite books thanks to TikTok recommendations and discovered the best focaccia recipe ever through TikTok. I genuinely believe I have learned a great deal from the people on the app. However, I do recognize it was taking up way too much of my time, energy, and attention, and I’m ready to redirect all of those towards my creative practice, which I have abandoned for far too long now.
Sorry for the long intro, I felt it was needed after such a long time away from this app.
Here are my highlights for the week:
For my birthday, my sister gave me a collection of Luca Guadagnino’s films on Blu-ray. Despite knowing I would receive this birthday gift (I had previously told her this was my dream gift), I couldn’t help but start crying as soon as I unwrapped the films. It felt somewhat surreal to finally hold these films I have adored for so long as physical, real, tangible objects in my hands, rather than having them exist as random pixels on my old MacBook.
Last week, I finally got around to watching “I Am Love,” starring Tilda Swinton, which was the only film in the collection I hadn’t previously seen. This film, as any of Guadagnino’s films directed before CMBYN, is criminally underrated. CMBYN has been my favorite movie for nearly a decade now, and I highly doubt it’ll be dethroned anytime soon. However, there’s something about Guadagnino’s older work that is so fun, and we only get a glimpse of it in some of his newer work, like Challengers. If you enjoy Luca Guadagnino’s work but aren’t in the mood for soul-crushing cinema, I highly recommend watching I Am Love or A Bigger Splash, which also stars Tilda Swinton. I can’t stress enough how much I need Luca Guadagnino and Tilda Swinton to work together again.
I’ve been terrible at watching TV shows forever. It’s just hard for me to get into new shows and keep up with all the latest releases. I don’t feel too bad about it because when it comes to TV, I do feel as if I am more of a quality over quantity kind of person, I would much rather rewatch a show I know is good over and over again instead watching a bunch of mediocre shows to fill up the time. The problem with this is that I do feel like TV often does bring people together. People love discussing the plot of the new Netflix show that dropped over the weekend, and it seems that everyone in the world binge-watched it from start to finish on Sunday afternoon. They’ll send each other TikTok edits of the main guy that we are supposed to swoon over, even if he really isn’t that hot. And the whole cycle will repeat next weekend when a new show drops on Amazon Prime, Paramount, or Apple TV. Just kidding, whoever discusses what they’ve been watching on Apple TV?
I decided to try at least to get in the loop with some of the TV shows people are watching right now, rather than sticking to my usual rotation of early 2000s sitcoms and teen dramas. I refuse to watch most shows released by Netflix, but I can at least watch Love Island USA, right? And that’s what I’ve been doing, and let me tell you, it is addictive. I can’t tell you I’m rooting for anyone on the show, or that I find any of the islanders particularly attractive (no, I’m so serious, how is it so hard to find ONE SINGULAR GOOD-LOOKING MAN?), but the drama is addicting for sure. I also enjoy all the emotions that come with watching reality TV, such as the anger that surges inside me every time Cierra starts pouting, or the secondhand embarrassment I feel when Olandria says she will keep pursuing a man who so clearly doesn’t want her. I don’t know why I can’t be empathetic with her, even though I’ve been in her shoes not so long ago, but it just makes me cringe so hard every time she says she’ll keep exploring her relationship with Taylor. Please get her off the island. I can’t keep watching it. I can’t say this viewing has helped my connections with people as well as I had hoped, and maybe it is because I’m a Huda apologist. Still, at least I do get sent Nic edits occasionally, and I get to enjoy the Love Island USA subreddit.
I also started watching We Were Liars, a show I’ve been waiting to watch for a whole decade. I adored this book at 14. I recall purchasing it during a trip to Italy in 2015, and I will never forget the moment when I finally reached the plot twist. I was sitting between my mom and my brother in a train station somewhere in northern Italy, probably in Venice or Verona. I felt as if the world had stopped suddenly, and it was only me and my book, as my heart fell to my stomach. At the time, this was, like, the best piece of literature I had ever come across. Keep in mind that, before reading We Were Liars, I was addicted to Harry Styles fan fiction, so this book was a huge step forward for me at the time.
I’ve been watching this show slowly, because as much as it is so, so exciting to watch for the 14-year-old girl that still lives inside of me, it often is cringeworthy for the 24-year-old woman who is watching it. I just have to remind myself that it’s not bad; I’m just not its target audience at all, and that’s okay. I once was its target audience, though, and I get to enjoy it for the version of me that was.
On the topic of books, sort of, I finally read Bunny by Mona Awad, which I purchased in January of this year. Oops! I love weird books and stories with unusual writing styles and quirky narration, and this book did not disappoint. I don’t think I’ve read or finished a book since last year, which is embarrassing to admit. This book was an interesting one to pick to get back into reading. It was a book so dizzying I wanted to put it down after almost every single chapter, yet I couldn’t because I needed to reach the climax point. I needed to know what was going on. It was a fun read. Maybe not for everyone because I don’t think everyone will be into psychosexual thrillers, but I enjoyed this Heathers-meets-Mean Girls–meets-Ottessa Moshfegh-ish novel.
Stepping away from the media, I’ve been baking every week! This week, I tested out a new gluten- and sugar-free chocolate cake recipe, sweetened only with dates and —get this —walnuts! I wish you could taste a cake through the screen because this cake is unlike any other gluten- and sugar-free dessert you could ever try. I know this because I have tried, like, every gluten- and sugar-free dessert ever, and nothing compares to this. I believe I’m getting pretty good at this kind of baking, making the “gluten and sugar free” (I’m sorry, I also can’t stand repeating this!!) just an extra little something when it comes to the dessert, rather than the focal point, as it comes to many GF sweets. This is a cake that happens to contain no sugar, artificial sweeteners, or flour. It was fudgy and sweet, but not too sweet, and it was consumed a little too quickly by my family. As I wanted to share it with some friends, I had planned to pack up a slice for them, but by the time I was ready to do so, it was gone, which is fine because that's just the biggest compliment ever as a baker.
Finally, I started going to a new workout studio and tried Barré for the first time. I’m not a very athletic person; I was never into sports growing up, but I’ve always been okay at the workout classes. I’ve been practicing yoga, albeit on and off, since 2019, and Pilates for nearly a year. I have also been weight training consistently for over 6 months now, and I thought I was in okay form. Barré showed me otherwise, but I’m happy not only to try something new, but also something that is a significant challenge to me. I also love being part of a new studio, where I can go every day, because there’s nothing I love more than attending in-person workout classes.
Honorable media consumption mentions because this is getting long, and I don’t think anyone is that into the new things I’m watching, tasting, or trying out:
Lorde’s Virgin and Addison Rae’s Addison have been playing on repeat in my car and headphones for the past week. Money Is Everything and Summer Forever got me out of the car the first day I went to Core Club, when I felt so, so anxious to enter a new workout class on my own.
I have also watched just about every single video on YouTube criticizing SkinnyTok, but I might delve into that later in a good old-fashioned Marcella the Gem Tuesday (now Thursday, probably) essay.
I hope you enjoyed this Sunday Digest. Please watch Luca Guadagnino’s old work. Or, let me know what you think about Love Island USA, unless you hate Huda and/or ship Cierra and Nic. Let me know what you recommend I consume this following week!
All the love,
Marce <3